Monday, December 31, 2007

Year 2007 - A retrospect


Last day of year...have been thinking of how this year has been ...

A mixed year of success and disappointments..

One of my dreams did come true...Parents visiting US. I was more than delighted to get to show them my university, the classrooms where I sat, the classrooms where I taught , the benches where I sat talking to friends, the labs where I worked , the apartment where I lived and the road where I used to walk to get to the university....my student life in the US..yes, it was indeed something which meant a lot for me and everytime I did something new, learnt something new in the US, I always wanted to show it my mom and dad and finally, was glad I could make it to true.

This year did make another dream of mine true...well this had been been a dream when I was still at school..that I should be working and be independent and be on my own...I am doing so now but somehow , am not as excited as I thought I would be. I would have been so...if I did this soon after the graduation but am glad that it came true though a little late.Do things always come late to me? Well as long as they do, good enough.If this is the pattern, I do desire for something now....it is already late...would I ever get it?

Other than that, this year had been an year of very strong emotions.... where I told myself to be strong when nothing worked out for me , at the same time I did realize ,at times, that I was very weak,tender and vulnerable and I could be hurt.I felt as if there is another person in myself ....felt ...never thought I could think this way..or never thought I could say this..and wondered..is this really me?...There were times when I cried silently ,when I wept asking God why isn't he giving what I wanted so dearly...when I just kept thinking and then asked myself if there was a point in thinking.Felt surprised with myself that how much ever I was upset or angry, everytime some other emotion is even more stronger and I behave as if nothing has happened ever.Probably I am optimistic in my thinking...how much ever I give an impression of a pessimist when people talk to me...I am optimistic I guess.

As I look back the year, I don't want to complain much now .I know I am in a better position than many other people in the world who are in need of many other necessary things to lead a day to day life. Thank you God and all the wonderful people in my life for yet another year .

Ups and downs ,mood swings ,deep thoughts and silent pondering made another year pass by in my life.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

:|

There have always been few favorite lyrics to me and favorite songs to me.
But listening to some lyrics or listening to a song ,at times... pains so much ...do I take the literal meaning of the lyrics or do I associate it with anything in my life?

It probably feels or reflects my mental state at times.Is that the reason it pains so much?

Hmmm!!!

Chale Hi Jaana Hai,
Nazar Churake Yu
Phir Thaami Thi Saajan Tumne
Meri Kalayi Kyu

Kisi ko Apna Banake Chod De, Aisa Koi Nahin Karta...

Yeah..random thoughts? Painful?

Saturday, December 01, 2007

మంచు కురిసే వేళ లో....



First snow fall that I ever witnessed...

I woke up in the morning and looked out of the window to see if it was snowing but it already did ,probably in the night and saw the traces of snow on the plants,on cars etc..
I felt,well..wish I had seen the snow fall itself..

Then in the afternoon, now,it started...snow fall...

How does it feel....brought in a smile to my face...had been wishing to see snow fall from many years and it became true..what do I want to do now...hmm..can't think of anything interesting..made coffee and stood near the window..just enjoyed the combination !!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Reap what you sow

Yeah..it is always the case with me..reap what sow...
sometimes I wonder, some people get so lucky in life...but why is it in my case that I experience everything of my actions..won't there be sometime where I just get lucky ...:)

Had been neglecting few things and my pending to-do list grew and grew and became necessities
I just wonder,where did all my determination go...where did all my desire for being an organized person go..where did all my thirst for gettings things done go..over this period of time...why am I so disorganized???

Well..it is never too late...atleast I got something basic done today...happy atleast about it.. Hmm yeah...something to begin with rather than postponing it .Anyways..

Pondering on just "getting lucky"..aah..Luck (?) plays role certain times....aah... no...disorganized and confused about priorities...and blame it on luck....: ..not fair.

What is it when you miss the connecting bus because of heavy traffic...
well...you could have always taken a cab...bad planning!!

What is it that I don't find my documents exactly when I need them for some work.
Come on..this clearly shows that you are careless and disorganized.Don't blame it on luck.

What is it when my ssn doesn't match when someone is checking my records in a govt office..
well...i don't know this part.what to call it...

What is it when it is so very damn freezing and you don't have gloves...
well..you didn't prepare well for winter !!

Why don't I give importance to myself ...is it that I am careless...is it that I lost interest ...is it that I am lazy...but if I had to do the samething to help someone else ,I would do...does it mean , I do it as an obligation, do I do it to make others happy, or is that I cannot say No, or do I think it is great to help out ppl at the expense of troubling myself?

Not sure about the answers for above questions..
One thing is sure..that I think a lot for irrelevant stuff than relevant :)

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Hours seem minutes and minutes seem hours

Usually I feel that time is flying but there are times when I feel that minutes seem like hours...

Time doesn't seem to pass at all when
I have a bad headache and I am in a flight waiting to get off.
Waiting for something/someone...

Time magically seems to fly when
There is a deadline and I am still working :p
All possible things go wrong exactly when I am in haste :p

Oh yeah...this is all part of life...I know I know ...:)

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Remembering dates

I used to remember dates so well without having to use any organizer or any diary..I just used to remember whether I want or not..especially birthdays .
Atleast they are useful ,coz I can wish someone and make them feel good on it.
But I also remember/remebered most unwanted things too...Most of the physical part of my memory was probably wasted for many many years with this unwanted information.
Of late...I do not remember certain things so well...either because my mind is filled with something else..or probably I am getting old :)

But I still do remember few dates and do remember a special event in life ...like the day I got my visa, like the day I entered US etc , coz they made significant changes to my life...
and so do today...

Random thoughts...as ever.... .... .

Monday, July 30, 2007

Heart over head

What happens when thinking goes heart over head.

Heart tells you what you want...no matter what is that you want and how you like it to be..
Head tells you the logic and possibilities ..

Who to listen to and believe?
Heart or head?

Why is that my heart always wins...

Questions unanswered..Random thoughts........

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Full Moon


As I look out of the window

full moon shines in the sky....

the sight is so beautiful...

that i admire it everytime...

and wonder that one day..

I would love it even more,

when I enjoy the sight with someone I adore.....

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Time is flying

Time is flying like anything.

It is sometimes a strange feeling to accept the fact that I am getting old.I get this feeling so often.Sometimes it feels strange to see the kids in the neighborhood/relatives grow up so fast.

Everybody in the friends cirlce, getting busy in their own lives.
Time is so precious.Makes me think sometimes if I am able to enjoy the time that I already have.Most often, I spend the present time thinking about the future and thus, do not enjoy the current time.
How fair am I being to myself :)
Time flies only forwards...wish it could do the same backwards too.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

A Restless Mind


Deep thoughts

long silence

where am i heading to

where is the end

Why is my mind so restless!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Silence




Silence can also be a communication.

Sometimes silence bothers you and it relaxes you sometimes.

A dear one or close one is someone who can understand your silence too....
Isn't it?
[But if someone is silent and there aren't any hints and can't figure out the reason, it could be a hell too]

Whoever said "Silence is gold" did say for some reason :)
Especially when you just regret for what you spoke and wished that you didn't .

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Brooding over the past


Why is life so smooth for some people and full of hurdles for some others.

Whenever I think of all the hurdles and troubles ,heart gets so heavy.
But what is the point in brooding over the past?
Do I ever learn to learn from the mistakes and see that I do not do them again.
Will I learn to tell myself ....Move on dear....and get even more tougher.
Do not ever show your emotions on your face....better yet...do not get emotional over anything!!
And more than anything else, all this is about career....inspite of knowing that career is just a part of life.Why am I so bothered about it?
Just because, I do not have anything else to think of, as of now??

Whatever....Focus on the future and think on how to make it merrier.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Taking for granted?




Do we take our dear ones for granted?
I don't know how many, but I think I do but feel bad later.
In a situation where I am stressed out, I tend to lose my patience and be rude to my folks whereas, I would have been polite enough, had there been someone else in the same situation .

What to do ,not to take ppl for granted ?

Random thoughts..as ever!

Friday, February 23, 2007

My 16th post


I Know this is a silly post :p


This is my 16th post .

What is it that is so special about 16?

I am born on a 16th

There are 16 letters in my given name(yeah i know, pretty big name)

I have 16 cousins


What else can I associate with 16th?


As of now, thats all :)


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's day

Everybody talks about love and valentine's day.

So why not I too talk about it :)

What all do i remember associated with this day?

I got to know about it only when I was in the college, but all I cared at that time probably was the nice songs/movie that was played on the TV.Later on I got so busy that I never realized it until I noticed a difference in the google home page.
Somehow it always used to happen that i had a deadline on the next day or the same day and I end up managing time working on campus and doing the assignments till the last minute.

After the studies too, it was always a yet another day for me.
After I started work,I started noticing that people started leaving work early on feb 14th and I just used to smile that it was a sweet gesture that people atleast take off sometime to spend with each other on this day.

While there are lot of people who protest the celebration of Valentine's day, I do not know if there is anything to do with "culture" thing.

Not that there isn't love between two ppl if they don't tell each other about the same on Valentine's day.But there are always some simple things which we appreciate and why not have an occasion to make each other feel special?

Youngsters are probably getting misled, but who is really sure about love?
It does bring me a lot of laughter sometimes when I hear about some stories which my couleagues told me .
Last year, in the middle of the day towards the evening, two of my couleagues and I took a break from work and went to the cafetaria for coffee and we were having a general conversation on what is love ,how does it feel to be in love. My couleague's cell phone rang and someone from her previous office who had not been in touch from ages called her and asked her "Are u married" , she said No and he asked "are u engaged" she said no and he goes "I love you"
She just screamed out "Are u crazy?"
It still brings a smile when I think about that incident and how much we laughed about it.

It has been a yet another day for me so far in my life and today too.Perhaps ,because I never dreamt to feel special and perhaps coz I find more happiness in giving than receiving.
But given a chance, what is that I would really expect?
A nameless longing to go away in life and have a warm feeling of belonging. His being there for me and his loving touch....I guess.
Can this ever be true?Perhaps!!
[Whats wrong in dreaming and whats wrong in anticipating ? :) ]
Happy Valentine's day !!
















Sunday, January 21, 2007

All I ask is....


Won't u hold my hand

before i drown away

won't u stand by my side

before i am lost forever....

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Some quotes of Martin Luther king Jr

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

“The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.”

"There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe,popular or political, but because it is right."

"The time is always right to do what is right"


Courtesy: www.quotationspage.com

Monday, January 15, 2007

Letter to God - Anguish


Yes i said i am fine alone

doesn't mean u leave me forever

yes i said i am strong enough

doesn't mean that i don't need support

yes i said i want others to be happy

doesn't mean i have to be unhappy

Yes i said that u can test my mettle

doesn't mean that u don't let me settle

Won't there be just one time

that you'd give me what I want ?

Monday, January 08, 2007

New Year.... New Hopes


New year has started and almost a week passed by.
While lot of things have not changed much, I started the year with a lot of hopes and hoping for the best to happen in life before I get older by another year.

Have been thinking and thinking and thinking about quite a lot of things as ever.Am I really living or existing?
Where am I heading to and where is my destination.
Whatever it is, hoping for the best.
Random thoughts...as ever !

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