Comfortable being alone?

Am I comfortable being alone?

I ask myself sometimes...May be Yes May be No.
I feel peaceful sometimes without anyone around me at times..but I do feel like missing someone(?) when I come back so very tired and just tears roll down my cheeks for no reason and ask myself why is my life like this?
What could I have done to make it better than what it is now?
Immediate answer I give myself is you are much better than being unemployed and even better than many many people in the world.But job and career ,these aren't bothering me.
Why isn't God being atleast considerate .
What will comfort me and calm me down ?

What is that even bothering me?I think I just have questions but no answers.
But I am not so old. I am still young. What the hell is bothering me?
Is this called some unwanted depression?
I am the one who wanted to work for sometime after I graduated.
I am the one who wanted to be alone before sharing life with someone.
Why did this all start then?
My kiddo niece who asks a lot of questions asked me the other day when I said that I had to fly back the next day
She:"who is there?"
I :"me"
She:"who else"
for a minute I didn't know what was my emotion ..whether I felt bad ,guilty,sad ,proud,unhappy,empty(?)
I : "Just me"
She : "Why"?
I asked myself Why?

A few of my favorites

A few of my favorites...

• Listening to suprabhaatam/Bhajagovindam in the morning
• Looking at the sunrise in the morning (phew..it has been quite a while since I saw one)
• Enjoying a nice hot coffee on a rainy day , combination of rain,music and good coffee !!
• Drawing/painting ...(and hence most of the drawings on my blog are mine )Never learnt anywhere ..wish to..sometime in the future
• Conversation with a good friends on phone.
• Full moon
• Golden gate bridge
• Snow capped mountains
• Universities and libraries
• A perfect landing of a flight
• A fresh blossomed flower
• Red rose (Wish anyone ever gave me ..haha)
• Matching earrings for my dresses
• Confidence in people
• Innocent smile and face of a baby
• A sleeping baby ( no worries at all...sleep like a baby..wish all of us can do too..why do we grow up)
• Milk chocolate
• Friday nights and sat'day nights (yuppie..weekend)
• Getting my clothes ironed (if needed) or ready on sunday night for the next morning so that I do not waste time on monday morning !!
• Feel cozy with my blanket
• Colors in the sky
• The feeling I get on a sat'day morning that I don't have to goto work ..hehe
• Warm clothes taken out of dryer
• Movies of K.viswanath

what do you do when you are bored at a party/dinner

So..what do you do when you are bored when you are at a dinner or party with new set of people.

These are what I normally do :

Start looking at the cell phone and wonder why can't someone call me at this time? People call me whenever I am busy but never when I want to pass some time.

An artificial smile offered to everyone who happens to look at me.

Look for any book atleast to pretend that I am reading something.

Start introspection on why can't I mingle with everyone well.

Phew..Am too critical on myself most of the time.
Why do I have this characteristic?

Also....it made me think y'day that if someone is constantly looking at cell phone in my presence..when I am talking...it means..i am boring them..right..hehe...