Fastest year

This was probably the fastest year that has passed by. Didn't know how it went by.
Really doesn't feel like Dec 31 today. How could days fly so fast?
Am I really getting that old too?
I sometimes feel so stagnant. I need to sit down and think of where I really wanted to be and where I am and  think of how should I be filling in that gap. I wanted to take some time off for myself and ponder these things but somehow days just went by. Probably little bit more of self-discipline is what I want to plan and achieve things I always wanted. Little bit of introspection - the amount of time I dedicate to help out others can be redirected to attend to my own needs and interests first I think.

Street smart

One of the other fundas that I have gotten wrong is that - I somehow attributed a negative connotation to the word "Street smart". If someone ever told me that someone is street smart, I always had a negative impression on that person , also a sense of guarding myself to keep away from such person too.
I wonder from where I had picked up all these fundas. Nobody ever told me anything.

Of late, I am realizing that it is not wrong to be street smart. It is not equivalent to being mean.

At work, looks like you got to be street smart at least which means that you have to have some common sense or rather have a sense of what is happening around yourself.
When that completely lacks, people will take advantage of you and you will be buried in your ignorance. You do the work and someone else gets the credit for it.

All those guards that I tend to build around me should take care of lot of other things too. Huh!

So called "problems"

There was a quote that I read somewhere - "If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back"

So true - compared to the problems everyone else faces in life, our problems wouldn't even seem like problems at that time. Probably we would be grateful that we have a better life than many in this world who are underprivileged.

I think , this was the same feeling I was having, when I visited temples in India , few months ago when I was on vacation. Typically, as there a lot of beggars (I somehow feel pained to even use this word) outside most temples in India, looking at their misery, I feel terribly guilty to even ask anything for myself when I get into the temple. Everyday that I pray, I don't understand if I should ask anything more from God or be grateful to the life that I already have.

Fundas got wrong

I somehow feel most of the fundas in my head are so very wrong.
I must have blogged these already somewhere in some other post but recently I was having
a conversation with couple of my friends and they were saying I better start listing out
all my realizations of wrong fundas in my head for sometime and see what I learn eventually.
So here goes -
Out of several other fundas, below are the top two that I got wrong:

1) Findng a guy yourself or letting a guy approach you is wrong. Having crush on a guy is wrong.
Such a wrong funda :(
I really don't know what made me think this way. All of my friends who found guy themselves are happily settled. There could exceptions all over but there is nothing wrong when you make a wise choice.

2) Either you could be studious or could be good looking and can't be both.
Wrong funda again :(
I always wanted to be an intelligent girl or a smart girl. I have no idea what made me think that I cannot be both. It is quite funny now when I think back that, on first day my college, I saw a bunch of girls who were distinguishing themselves (in my head) by roaming around after every class, all over the college building, going to the canteen and giggling all the time. Funny that I was telling myself that I should not befriend them and possibly avoid them. Somehow I never had good impression on the girls who seemed that they needed attention all the time. I don't know why I was so judgemental.
No idea why I thought good looking girls cannot be intelligent and studious.
I still shy away on a personal level but I have no issues on professional level if I am presenting something. I was happy I taught two undergrad level courses myself and I was not an assistant but was hired to teach classes as professor myself when I was doing my masters at my University. But on a personal level, I get so conscious and shy when I meet new people especially guys.

Why did I get them wrong. Don't know. But I was probably trying to fit into a generation previous than mine as per their standards and their living conditions.

But oh well, I am trying to change.  There should now be halo behind my head due to this enlightenment.
Image courtesy: Google images.

Royal

I never really cared much about Royal family or Royal wedding or anything. I read in the news last month or so, when the new Royal baby was born, Prince William drove back his wife and his new born home and was curious to see the video. This video was something to me. Unlike the other Royals,Prince William himself got behind the wheel and drove his family home. Prince William is indeed charming.

Much more to life..

Been feeling I have a lot of work at hand in office these days.
I wanted to take on all that I currently have on plate.
Someone at work told me today, don't worry about these things - trust me , there is much more to life.

It is not that I don't know this. I knew it. But sometimes I take on so much and sometimes I am sensitive about certain things.

There is definitely much more to life than work. Years and years are passing by, if I look back at few years, all I see is my work life. In the "much more to life", I am probably missing enjoying some best years of my life. Need to strike a balance.

Random rant

Playing with my niece, I wonder, I remember myself to be a girl of this age. Can't understand when I grew up and all these years really passed by? Wasn't it just recently that I was in school?
When did I finish school, college, grad school and these many years of experience.
Years actually passed by extremely faster once I started working.
Still having tough time accepting that it is 2013 - and almost half year is gone.
Really - How?
Young girl in me doesn't want to accept that. Come on. But what to do?అదేదో సినిమా డైలాగు -  ఏం చేస్తాం,  ఖండిస్తాం :)

What...

What is my heart yearning for
who am I longing for
what is my soul searching for
would I ever be able to know?

Unknown journey

Lonely nights
endless thoughts
incomplete dreams
unknown journey..

Quest for purpose

Wounded mind,

yearning soul,

unknown fears,

purpose unfound,

restless nights,

endless journey,

on a quest for peace and purpose !

Image courtesy: Google images

Follow your dreams

Sometimes you wonder what is the purpose of your life.

It is so important sometimes to indulge in learning and you will realize what all you dreamt of, in life.

What was I dreaming when I was 10, 15, 18? It was all about learning for me.

I was walking in the most prestigious university and for a moment I thought, Yes, this is where I wanted to be. This matters to me a lot. Knowledge, Learning, Intelligence etc are words that mean a great deal for me in life.

If not the full time coursework here, I am happy at least I am getting to pursue some courses here.

I was looking at much younger people than me - probably who are not even twenty , who were walking in the campus and I was thinking that , pretty soon these are going to be the richest in the valley.

Sometimes I feel, I would have been somewhere else had I been born a decade later :)
Funny random thoughts!

all I want

All I want ,sometimes, is to feel ---

as blissful as a baby ...
as fresh as a just blossomed flower ...
as pleasant as a full moon ...
as divine as music ...
as pure as a soul !

Image courtesy: google images

Atrocious

Bomb blasts in Hyderabad - atrocious.
Such a busy area targeted to kill as many as they could?
Atrocious.
World has become a place where we have fear from our own fellow human beings on what they could do to us.

Sometimes it is hard to know...

Sometimes it is hard to know whether to be grateful for what we have or to fight for what is not right and to ask more than what you have !

Sometimes it is hard to know if I can always think that I am a reflection of my own thoughts or care about the perception of what others think of me too?

Sometimes it is hard to know , if I should I wait for things to come to me or should I ask for things ?

Sometimes it is hard to know if I should be a content self or should keep striving for something my soul yearns...

get me going

A dream,
A hope,
A will,
A strength,
A faith,
A challenge,
A virtue,
A trust,
A gratitude,
get me going each day !

Image courtesy: Google images

Disappointed in myself

I have always been very good in my career and quite often that makes me put a lot of stress on myself . I love to raise my bar by competing with the best in myself.

Somehow I am not being that way from some time , for whatever reasons and for which I have been so upset with myself. I have been thinking of catching up with all the pending work over the weekends but somehow had been busy on the weekends either by being sick myself or something else I could not really avoid.

I never got pointed out by anybody in work that I wasn't doing my job properly until today. Well, I knew this was coming, I know it myself, I wish I could correct myself without anybody having to tell me.

Grumpiness continues..

Grumpy

Somehow, have been at my grumpiest peak from the past few days. My obsession to perfection also seem to be putting me in a lot of stress.
If I have a lot of pending work which is not at all finishing and I find it boring and I can't seem to have enough motivation to finish it, it really makes me grumpy and cranky.
Somehow few things have been extremely boring to me and attending some meeting sometimes makes me feel I am doing something that I just don't enjoy and I should be doing something else.
All this had been putting me in a lot of stress and have not been able to handle well. My roommate has been saying that she has never seen me this grumpy ever.

I really need to plan my career properly.

Image courtesy: Google images - istock photo

Happy birthday

                                                             Happy Birthday !