Random ...

Purpose of life - Wondered about it many times.
I don't think I arrived at a conclusion on what could be the purpose of my life.
I don't know if anyone can understand very well on what does their soul want.
It isn't probably easy to think on that level - at least for me - to think on what would feed someone's soul, what would make the soul inside us content. Unless there is a general sense of security with the life , it is really hard to think about such things. We are always worried about the security in any kind of sense, whether it is emotional, financial , personal etc. Even to achieve success , to be able to go after things we always wanted to , a sense of stability and security in personal life is so very needed.

I was in one of the conferences few months ago when someone asked a CEO of a business unit about secret behind his success. He was saying that he is not afraid of failure. He has financial stability - so he doesn't really have to worry on taking risks, he has peace at home as he has a wonderful wife who takes care of house and children very well that he doesn't have to worry about them. I was thinking that it is so important after a certain stage in life to have some balance in personal life. 

When did you graduate

If asking age is considered not polite, how is asking "when did you graduate" , a polite question. Yes, it does sound polite but the underlying intention of asking the question is always to assess the age. Yeah right, I really think you are so interested in knowing when I graduated. Stop being nosy !! Huh!!

Some people have a strange way of asking, when did you "pass out" - well., do you know the meaning of "pass out". It really doesn't sound well here, at least in the US. Please check the dictionary meaning for pass out.

Do I expect way too much for people to be refined? Or do I crib way too much sometimes.

Phew.

Live your life

Everyone likes to live their life the way they want. I wonder why some people think we are missing out on life. Is trying alcohol so important in life? Is having a boy friend so important in life?
I don't fully understand when people, sometimes some of my very good friends, advise me that I should try alcohol. I think their point is that I take life way too seriously and don't enjoy the life or live my life. I am not sure if I ever understand their point fully.
For now, I feel , I am living my life as I want and I don't really regret not trying alcohol as I don't want to and I am not interested.

Why are you not married/When are you getting married

If anybody knows somebody is single -that is what people would want to ask/directly ask.

Why am I not married - coz I didn't find Mr.Right -isn't it as simple as that?

When am I getting married - You know, I really wish I know..

Hmm..I believe, these days it is getting so complicated for both men and women to find a partner.

But as a girl, I would have my biases. Somehow I feel that is getting very difficult to find a suitable guy for a girl who has studied in the US. Well everyone advises me that I should relax the criteria that the guy should also have studied in the US. I am only asking someone who has similarly pursued higher education here. It is only for a reason - that we could probably relate to each other better and have a similar outlook on life which would make life easier. I could be wrong, I am willing to consider someone if I really happen to meet somebody.

Sometimes , not just about me, when I talk to friends, who are in similar boat, it makes me feel that there are very less well suitable guys who would really deserve someone as special as the girl is.

If guys are reading this, I know you will hate me , but I really don't know the story from your side. I can only talk from my experiences or  my friends. So, sorry, I am not generalizing.

It is really sad that most of the time , we have to rely on the online matrimonial sites and sometimes it just feels like any other online shopping. Come on, "find look alikes" and "find similar profiles" make me feel so. And can I vent about the pictures - it is really irritating when someone posts a picture with sunglasses. If you are thinking that you are being so cool - I am sorry, that isn't the impression we are getting. At least post some other pictures along with that Mr.cool pictures. And the pictures that some post with some other people in it - do they have any clue that they are on your matrimony site. It really doesn't take long to crop a picture. And if you are posting a picture with a girl next to you , with your hand on her shoulder,as though you are in a club with her, can't really understand why you are on the matrimony site at all. I get very puzzled when someone posts a picture with a hand on nose, taken with a webcam. It really doesn't seem like a thinking pose. And taking a very similar picture in different angles with a webcam really doesn't help much. You definitely don't have to go to a studio to get your portrait done. Just post something recent and decent when you expect those infinite qualities(Fair, slim, beautiful, tall, good looking, well educated, pretty,career oriented, adjustable,modern but traditional,  pleasant, cooperative, down to earth)  you want in the girl. I really don't understand why people post extremely old pictures when they were looking so good and when you either meet in person or see a most recent picture, you would actually think this is a different person. Probably some girls also do this and guys may complain the same too. Regardless of the gender, this is really getting problematic. Given all this, probably love marriages - falling in love during college days would not have been a bad idea at all :)

Studious girls shouldn't look good

Growing up, somehow I always had a bad impression on girls who always cared about how they look, who go to beauty parlor, who are stylish etc. I am not sure what exactly created that impression for me. I believe, some comments from my family about such girls or my own ambitious nature which actually felt that you are either intelligent or beautiful probably made me feel you can't be both.

I still remember and have a smile on my face as I remember the first day of college. (Well it was a girls college - I was just among girls for the most part of life anyways). So, on that first day, there were a bunch of girls who kept walking in and out of the classroom almost at every break. Stood in the balcony almost every now and then, kept giggling and kept going to the canteen whenever they could. I immediately, told myself that I am going to keep myself away from them. I was instantly so judgmental about them.

Even when I came for my masters to this country, I don't think I really ever cared much (ever through out my studies here or for that matter, through out my career until recently) on how I look , do I look trendy or look smart or not.

I always wanted to be and known as an intelligent girl or smart girl . It look many many years for me that it is not "wrong" to groom yourself and look neat and decent. I still don't think I can look so hep and modern. But I am just changing my outlook and opinion that it is okay and important to have some dress sense.

In fact I used to be very judgmental about talking to guys too. No wonder I am still single :) Haha, jokes apart , but if I look back, for the  most part, I have always given that "not approachable" attitude to most guys who work with me. I am glad I have good friends in life(one of them is my roommate) who tell me that I cannot be like this and guys are not my enemies and there is nothing wrong in having a smiling face and talking to them.. My roommate thinks that I have a virtual board on my face and the way I look at a guy has a message on that board that "don't even dare looking at me or talking to me".  I really hope I stopped being that grumpy girl . Well, probably people still might mistake my shyness to some attitude though. 

Appreciating small things in life..

I was driving one of the mornings from my brother's house and within my 41 mile drive it was raining little bit in few segments of my drive. As I was almost approaching office, there was this beautiful rainbow. It instantly made me so happy and I found myself so cheerful and smiling. I do love the area where my office is and the natural beauty surrounding it.

 It is only some small things in life that make us so happy.

As simple as smiles of kids, rainbow in the sky etc. I was thinking of what are the other things that I make me happy. I am somehow fond of watching landing of a flight too. Most other simplest things I really love are listening to a good song while driving. Reading a good book on a friday night is so much fun as well. Reading a good book while having good coffee in Barnes and Noble is another thing I love. Being in library or Barnes and Noble makes me happy too. Being in a good university, being a student is something I really love. Golden gate bridge in San Francisco makes me so happy. Mickey mouses make me smile. Talking to friends, to those with whom I connect so well that it really doesn't matter that I am talking after 3 or 4 years, that conversation with such a dear friend really lifts up my mood.I must have blogged some of these already in this link

 I think these days I am liking the listening to the songs on radio while driving. A well spent weekend - either done with all my to-dos or well rested with no to-dos left :) ofcourse, getting a small appreciation from anyone for what I did - as small a "good" from instructor for any class that I am taking. Now that I am actually kind of paying some attention to my dressing etc, I think I am being happy sometimes if people say they like my dress or ear rings or my shoes etc. Well I must admit that it is quite funny that I didn't notice much for most of my life that guys sometimes do check out when I wear anything fitting. I know guys check out girls, but I never really noticed anyone checking me out until recently. I have always been in my own world, thinking about some idea or absorbed into just my own world. Well, sometimes if someone completely stares, they make me feel uncomfortable. Appreciation might be much different than checking out. (My friends say that is a part of life and being feminine. I missed that phase totally in life - the transition between child and adult. That teenage drama etc is all missed.)

Toddler girl with dad

I went to the laundry and was coming back into the apartment and saw a young dad and his toddler girl playing in the sand in the volleyball court area and it was so adorable to see that dad playing with that little girl. I was approaching my apartment and I saw another young dad talking to a cutest toddler girl riding her tricycle. I find it extremely cute and fascinating to see the young dads with their baby girls.

Look forward to what?

I was thinking back at the days when I was a student or just started working. I started to feel that I was a lot more enthusiastic, ambitious and used to dream more about the future on the kind of things I could accomplish. I think , after sometime in career and after sometime in life, if we feel like we have reached a point where there is nothing to look forward to, it isn't that much of a great feeling. At every phase of life, there has to be something to look forward to to keep the life interesting. We should let the life or career to get stagnant.
I am getting back on to track these days to learn new skills, do stuff that I always wanted to do, such as pursuing some hobbies etc. Just need to continue doing this stuff.

Image courtesy : Google images

Irritation

I feel these days I am getting way too irritated for some small things. I know they are small things but still..Hmm!! I used to be highly irritatable. It has actually been few years that small things irriate me this much. I was a teenager back then, if I have to refresh my memory on when was the last I was so irriated to this degree.

Ok, so what is irritating the heck out of me these days - somebody at work in the next aisle makes some annoying sound with his mouth while chewing. I believe he keeps chewing a gum all the time and makes the most annoying sound. More so , right after lunch.I have to invest in some noise cancellation head phones - don't know if that would shield from these kind of noises. I have to trick my mind somehow not to get irritated with this kind of crap.


 Image courtesy: Google images

Durga pooja

It was nice I could go and attend Durga pooja being done by the Bengali community here today.
One of my friends had told me almost a month back to mark my calendar for today and I remembered.
Happy Dasara !

Things automatically

Been to a meeting from the company on women's network.

There was some mention about differences between men and women, in terms of something like this:
Most women think they will automatically get some stuff such as if they work hard etc, someone is going to notice them and automatically things will happen to get them promoted. When it comes to men, they will know what they want and ask for it and make it happen.

I was thinking and telling myself that it is the case for me for most things, that I actually think that I would automatically get things in every sphere of my life. Why shouldn't I think so? Can't GOD make certain things happen automatically ?

Image courtesy: Google images

Course

Signed up and attended a class in continuing education in the prestigious university.

Just being in the campus and looking at students in the campus, students on bicycles, that environment somehow made me feel in different ways that I couldn't really figure out if I was feeling that I am missing the student life or I was feeling that I should have been in my actual student phase of life now or what. Regardless I think I feel happy that I at least did sign up for a course here that had been on my pending to do list for the longest time.

I really don't know if I can balance my work and the other courses that I signed up for and this course , but I am at least happy that I am trying out.

Image courtesy: Google /Wiki

Observation

A sudden realization struck to me as I was in some thoughts today. Since my childhood,  my observation on what people were wearing was very weak. Lot of times, there used to be discussions sometimes among friends or so - when someone comes and goes , on what that person was wearing, in terms of clothes or if it is a female, the color of her nailpolish or her chain or ear rings etc. Somehow I could never notice such things. After a lot of such incidents that I could not recollect , I started thinking that something is probably wrong with my observation. My friends could not understand how can I not notice. Unless it is something extremely flashy , I couldn't really remember much on what people wore.

I suddenly realized that it isn't the clothes that I remember, I actually remember the conversations.

The realization comforted me little bit now that probably my energy is focused on the conversation and discussion. So, the realization is that I enjoy the ideas and conversations and not much of my brain is interested in what people are wearing.

Image courtesy: Google images

RIP - First man on the moon

Sad to know that the first man ever to step on the moon, is no more.
RIP Neil Armstrong.

Regardless of the conspiracy about moon landing, Neil Armstrong definitely meant something for all the kids who were growing up at that time on where man could go and a lot of curiosity and interest in the space research. Though most of us have pursued different fields in life for living, space research probably is extremely intriguing for many.

RIP Neil Armstrong !

Image courtesy: Google images.

Hope

Being hopeful is always good thing. Being optimistic is always good. But there were few times in life that I felt, I had been way too hopeful for something happened and in the process , haven't realized how much I have lost. Sometimes I am hopelessly so very hopeful.

Weekend

Went to buy some clothes for my niece and nephew on friday evening. There is so much joy in buying clothes for the kids. Just can't explain :) Lifts up my mood. Ate some frozen curry - I don't know why I like Paneer Hariyali frozen. This is the only thing I eat , that is ready made and frozen. Watched some telugu programme online - a singing competition and suddenly remembered that , after starting to learn music, this is the first time I was watching a competition. Watched a movie - vedam , which I haven't watched till now and somehow got way too emotional. As it is I wasn't in the best of the moods, I can't believe I got so emotional and cried so much. Very unlike me. Due to excessive crying, I got such a bad headache that I couldn't sleep well on friday night and it effected whole of my saturday. Didn't even step out.Did nothing useful much. Don't know how the day went by. Watched movie "Wake up Sid" and liked it. I spent some time, drawing.

I guess once in a while it is ok to do some useless timepass. Some thought was crossing my mind today while watching the movie that I should probably write a book or an article, on my life experiences. Well, nothing great but just putting down thoughts? May be I started thinking this because the heroine also had a passion of becoming a writer. I know I do enjoy writing. Well probably I shouldn't write as random as I write on my blog. A very different weekend so far. I know I am very grateful to my life and grateful to God, sometimes it is just some unwanted sadness comes in and takes time to settle in the thoughts. I know it is all in the mind. It is our thoughts that make us. I liked a quote today ""No one can destroy "iron", but its Own rust can! Likewise no one can destroy us, but Our own mindset can. Change your thoughts to change your life ! "

Meeting with friends

Met my friends this weekend. It was nice to spend time with the girls. We get to have so many heart to heart conversations and we give each other advices and sometimes, listening to friends' perspective is so enlightening. We were discussing something today and a friend gave a perspective today that was really insightful for me. When we go through a lot of pain sometimes that some relationship isn't being great as per our expectation, she was saying that instead of feeling bad, ask yourself on what is god trying to tell you , by making it not working for you? Pause and ask yourself, what is god trying to tell you. That's right. I never thought that way. Another thing that came up in the discussion was, you might be trying to be so very genuine to someone but that someone isn't liking it. Well for such people, you don't have to be genuine. Understand and think of this way, that , the other person is trying to tell you on how that person wants to be treated by you, by showing you the way, that person is treating you. Someone is showing the whole world that you are important to that person but in reality, does nothing to you or does nothing to care about your feelings? Do the same thing for that person too. Be nice on the outerside, you don't have to be genuine to someone, who doesn't want to be genuine to you. There is nothing wrong in it. Life is much simple that way and it is much less painful or painfree for you , if you take it that way. Stop being harsh and critical on yourself. And get rid of the pain in you that you are giving your 100% of your everything but you don't get the same thing back in return.

Milestone

I started something today that I always wanted all through my life. Joined a music class. That too , Carnatic vocal music class. I saw it was going to be a beginner class. I went and I found myself to be sitting with little kids who were singing pretty well already. My voice somehow couldn't rise much for Sa Pa Sa at all. I felt I was pathetic.Sarali Swaralu was what was done in the class. I came how, listened on youtube and started practising and I am happy now on how I am singing after little bit of practice. Long way to go, but the journey at least has begun.

Out of the way

తనకి మాలిన ధర్మం గురించి ఏదో సామెత ఉండాలి. తనకి మాలిన ధర్మం మొదలు చెడ్డ బేరం అని. Sometimes it is so true. May be it is always true. You genuinely want to make others happy by going all the way out and all you get to hear is that who asked you to do it. What is the point in making people happy. Lesson learnt is not to go out of the comfort zone ever because you will not be recognized but rather you shall be criticized and be hurt.

Image courtesy: top20training.com

Smart phone

I didn't have smart phone till today. Probably everyone feels ridiculous about it. The phone that I bought about 5 years back was still working and I was thinking that I use the phone as a phone anyways so what is the big deal. Today it stopped working and I was in panic. It is a saturday evening, roommate was also not there at home.Only text messaging seemed to be working. I went to the store and finally bought a smart phone.

Stay at home?

I attended a women's network session recently as per some request at my work place and there were couple of our executives who were talking and sharing their experiences. One of the questions they received was, how do they actually balance their super busy work life with life at home. Both of them surprisingly (for me)said that their respective husbands stay at home and take care of kids.

It made me think few things. Well, I could be very prejudiced. I absolutely know it is the compatibility between a couple that makes the marriage work and love and affection and things like that. As much ambitious as I am, it is very hard for me to think that I can ever ask my husband (when I am married) to stay at home and take care of the kids, while I could go to office and work. I don't think I can imagine that. Well, nobody is asking me to do that. Just the thought that , I kind of expect the guy to be very successful to actually get married to him and expect him to be superior - as in a step ahead of me or at least equal to me , to actually make me think of him as a husband. Well, that's my thinking for now. We never know when it changes though.

Happy Birthday

2012

Can't believe it is 2012 already. Hope 2012 brings in joy and health in everyone's lives.