state of mind

What is happiness...just a state of mind..
why can't the state of mind be consistent and be the same all the time then?

One moment you feel so happy, relieved ,accomplished and want to be with the dearones.
Other moment, some or the other thing makes you devastated, disturbed , sad and helpless.
Are all these governed by the karma in the past life? We are not entitled and deserved to have some little happiness last for some time too?
What is life about?
Are all the lives just ruled by the past lives's deeds? Then someone has to be so very pious in the very ever first birth , to be able to enjoy a good life and fotune in all the next coming lives?
If someone is so very pious then they should attain the moksha then itself. They should be liberated. Isn't it?

When people say life is complicated, they correct again saying, it is people who complicate lives. But aren't certain things just way beyond our control?
So if it is indeed beyond control...why is it so? Past life's karma?
How fair is that?

Dumb Dumber Dumbest

Looking at the title of this post, don't think I am trying to get into english grammar .
I was thinking of the dumbest things that I did of late.
Well...I keep doing some or the other absent minded stuff, but sometimes I just think, "oh Am I really so dumb".

I am not so used to a docking station for the laptop at work and took a couple of minutes to figure out how to undock it. Dumb !!!

Two trains were waiting in the morning at the starting station , I just had one more minute left for train and I saw a train which had a driver. (Both the trains actually goto the same destination , just that there is a gap of 15 mins in between. One leaves early and the other one later) .I had to buy a ticket too, I bought the ticket and ran and sat in the train in which I noticed there was a driver. The doors were also almost closed but when I ran towards, they opened and I took a deep breath and felt thank god !
Guess what, As soon as I sat in that train, the other train left. Didn't even have the brain to think that I have to check which train had most passengers and if the other one also had the driver. Dumber.

What happens when you are work too much or think too much. We just become quite dumb.
So here is the "Dumbest".
Working on two computers, did Ctrl+C on one, did Ctrl+V on the other.
Dumbestest....wondering for few seconds why it wasn't pasting !

Huh !

Random Drawing...

Random drawing again as I was waiting for a mail...

Random drawings

Drew something while my system was booting today...

Where am I

Today, I was coming back from work, and I was going to get a ride from my brother to get home.

Well...this has been routine from some days. As usual , I got onto train and my cell phone rang and here goes the conversation.

Bro: "Where are you"

Me : "I am in the train"

Bro : "Where are you?"

Me: Thought in a split second :oh couldn't hear me..."I am in the train"

Bro: WHERE are you ?? (slight irritation in the voice)

Me: Thought...Come on...I told you I am in train..and then realize the emphasis on where..."Oh!! Just crossed blah blah station "

As I was thinking that he should have asked me where the train was ... I remembered this joke and smiled for a minute.

http://www.duxcw.com/dcforum/DCForumID7/818.html

Now, after reading that, don't you think mine was the proper answer :p

Random thought

Random thoughts again...

As I was commuting today, a thought struck my mind..how was the world before the cell phones were used? What if someone needed a ride after getting down a train or something.

What if somebody's train is delayed ?

Most people in the bus or on the train are busy talking on the phone.

We depend today, so much on cell phones or phone in general.

I even used to panic with the idea that I forgot or could have forgotten the phone.

Well...when I was young, we didn't have a landline . Right now, everyone at home call each other if we go out.... but those times, we didn't even know.

Communication certainly improved now...and getting people closer?

image courtesy: mobile-weblog.com

Transit?

Time for some random thoughts....

If life is a journey, I had been feeling that I am in a transit situation from the time I graduated.Where I am heading to? I still don't know! What is my destination?
The transit seems to be really long. What am I even going to transition into? Do I know?
Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
Where do I want to go?
I feel as if I am wandering here and there..can neither go back nor know where to go...
Imagecourtesy: ehow.com

Fixation

I have this fixation for things to work perfectly. If I am erasing the board, it has to be clean...I can't accept even a small dot remaining on the board . If I coloring something, there shouldn't be any uncolored patch. I was coloring today along with my niece and felt quite happy that I was coloring after a long time. (అల్ప సంతోషి ). Well even at that time, I was about to nag her that she wasn't coloring properly but then I controlled myself that she is just 3.

It brought me some memories on how I used to insist/have fixation on certain things.

I think this was before even I started going to school. I was playing with some peanuts , I guess . Eating some and playing with some and a neighbor who was probably in her early twenties stopped by , to play with me.
My mom asked me give some peanuts to her. Well..She didn't tell me "some". She said, "Sravya, L కి కూడా ఓ నాలుగు పెట్టు..." and guess what, I gave her exactly 4.
See...I could count quite well before even going to school.
Both of them laughed and I still remember that I was annoyed/offended.
Come on...thats what I was asked to?
Well..I must agree that even after starting to goto college, when Mom is busy cutting veggies and asks me to get her 4 onions from the basket, I exactly take 4.
Oops...Why do I take things so literally.

When I started going to school, as any other parents , my mom and dad told me not to go with anyone else from school, other than them.Little sincere Sravya's mind registered that very well.Our grandfather once came to pick us up from the school. Grandpa called me to come but I was nodding my head to say "No". What was I thinking? Was I even thinking at all?
Is it this obsession that I can't think of anything else that is even slightly different than what I was told?

A whileback when I was still back in India, my dad and I were using some appliance and we had to time it for about 2-3 mins. I started to time and when my dad said he is going to switch off, I was like, No , wait for another 12 seconds. He frowned at me and was like, "What". I still wanted to insist , but couldn't really do so when dad frowned. It bothered me quite a bit that we weren't perfect (?)
hehe..how stupid..
That reminds me that whenever someone used to use thermometer(well, the mercury thermometes that we use under the tongue) at home, I again get into this obsession on measuring exactly for 2 minuntes and I refuse to let them take it out even a second before 2 mins. If they do so, guess what, teenager Sravya used to fuss that the thermometer probably didn't record the temperature properly and ask them to try again.

Hmm...stupid me !

Endukalaaga...

Why....

Exactly on a day when you are casually dressed, it so happens that everybody at work gets to see you .
Damn...There was a fire emergency today (false though ) and all of us had to go out of the building for sometime. I am somehow looking tired and pale today...and everybody including our executive director were there.

Exactly when I am doing something important, computer hangs up.

Exactly when I am in a hurry, I either miss the bus or bus is late.

Exactly when I pack hot Indian food hurriedly , bag smells so much and the same very day , bus will be crowded .
...and people get to give me some nasty looks.

Exactly when I am waiting for an important mail , I get most number of junk mails except the one I am waiting for.

Exactly when I am waiting for an interview call, my cell phone doesn't receive incoming calls for sometime.
...and I don't even realize it.

Exactly when I angrily call up customer service, their voice recognition system doesn't recognize what I speak and refuses to connect to the operator till I speak something that it understands.
Worst part...even after uttering something, it once said, you said you wanted to disconnect .Is it?

Exactly when I type a long mail , I lose it .

Exactly when someone is clicking a photo , I close my eyes.

Such things actually seem so trivial and when I remember later, I laugh so much , but they irritate at that moment ! :)

Destiny revisited

I happened to come across this video on youtube.
Whenever I think about destiny, I argue with myself that it is not the destiny, but your own choices in life. But sometimes , may be when things don't work my way, I blame the destiny.Quite true on what this guy is saying.
Cosciously or unconsciously, it is our actions that make or not make things happen.

Observing people...

These days, I have been taking public transportation to work.Though I am always lost in my own thoughts, I do tend to notice people sometimes. Oneday, someone in the bus just wished the other person ,asking where he works ..or something like that. The man didn't say anything..he was seriously typing something on his pocket PC.It looked as if it was rude of him(by not acknowledging). But then, he showed whatever he typed to the man who spoke to him. I then realized , that this man can't really speak anything other than saying "NO". They kept conversing..this man was typing his messages and the other man kept talking.
I suddenly felt, that he had such a disability(?) but still he is so happy, he even goes to work all by himself and seem to be content.
I do see people getting into the train, who are blind.
They do not expect or ask for sympathy. They take their challenges, win over them rather than giving up and waiting that something will happen.
When compared , we are all blessed to be normal. But we do have to win over some of our potential enemies such as procrastination, laziness.

Nervousness

Since last night , somehow I have been feeling nervous. I could hear my own heartbeat last night. Had tough time sleeping.

What could be wrong?
Whenever I feel little restless, I fear about all my dear ones. I don't know why I feel so?
This morning, I was very nervous and I was so very restless. I don't think I ever felt this way.

Nervousness does happen to me sometimes if I have an exam or an interview. But it is weekend now and I am not really preparing for anything now?Whats wrong?

Is it just the weather that is making me feel this way or do I need to get my hormones checked?
As long as it is either or both of the above, it is still okay !!
Hope everybody is doing good !

Virgo

One of my co-workers in my previous company asked me once if my sun sign was Virgo .
I was little surprised that she said , she guessed it through her observation.
I didn't quite believe that she really guessed it. I thought she looked up my birthday on the intranet and it is just her mere obsession with the zodiac signs that made her believe that people can be categorised based on the sun signs.

Anyways, so.. during that time, since I did not have any good timepass during the weekends, I bought this book, which my co-worker proudly claims as the source of her knowledge on sun signs, "Linda goodman's sunsigns" .

Indeed , it had a lot of information . Every zodiac sign was categorised into , "How to recognize this sunsign, how are those men, how are those women, how are they as employers and employees as well. Since I was dubious, I thought "let me read about my sun sign and see if I can agree to some of the points". I thought the book might have information which is kind of generic that can be applied to anybody.
Anyways, I can't really say that I have all those qualities which she mentioned in the book but I do agree to some of these points :)

By the way, here is a link online http://www.cyberspacei.com/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/virgo.htm

How to recognize :

• See that quiet girl with the beautiful, soft eyes, waiting for the bus? Notice her spick-and-span white gloves, her cool manner. She'll have the exact coins for the fare ready in her hand. She wouldn't dream of asking the bus driver to change a five dollar bill. She's a Virgo.

Hmm agreeed(about having the exact coins part) , I always used to and preferred to carry the exact change in India too, when I had to take a bus :)

• The first thing you'll notice about the typical Virgo is the definite impression he gives that there's a serious problem on his mind he's struggling to solve-or a vague feeling that he's secretly worried about something. He probably is. Worry comes naturally to him.

Hehe...Yeah , I think probably I too leave an impression to people that there is a serious problem in my mind. BTW...the sentence is bold is correct too.

• The Virgo is normally a small person, certainly no giant.

Agreed. I am small :) and so are some of my virgo friends.

• Virgos are unquestionably dependable and sincere.

I hope that's what my friends think of me.

• Virgos who travel often take their portable drugstores right along with them.

I don't travel often but still carry some medicines in my handbag....just in case..you know!!

• Strangely, as willing as Virgos are to give efficient service to others, they have an almost neurotic and intense dislike of accepting favors themselves. They don't want to be obligated to anyone for any reason. And they don't want to depend on anyone but themselves for anything.

Hmm..Quite true.

So that is about , general characteristic, irrespective of the gender.

Can't comment much about virgo men, but as a woman, here are some things that I can agree about what she wrote about virgo women. ( Agreeing to some because, they are quite flattering..hehe..and others are true ).

• It's quite true that she's basically shy. No argument there
• Once she's accepted a love as true and ideal, the purity of her own concept of the relationship reigns supreme over all the pieces of legal paper in the world. She's the one woman in the zodiac who can be deadly practical and divinely romantic at the same time.
• there's a mysterious, quiet, waiting quality in this woman.
• She is basically pure-minded-true. But so is love.
• Brush up on your manners and your grammar if you're dating a Virgo female.
• To criticize is as natural to her as breathing is to you.
• Of her it can be truly said that she's "her own worst critic."
• One nice thing about being in love with this woman is that she'll do all your worrying for you, and possibly even enjoy it.
• Ordinarily, if she really loves you, you'd be safe to trust the typical Virginian woman with the sexiest man you know on a desert island
• The Virgo girl is annoyingly meticulous about small things, but she can also be the kindest, most generous and affectionate little creature in the world.
• Even while she's irritating you with her critical ways, there's a lovable quality about her that's downright irresistible.
• To her, truth is beauty-and beauty is truth.
• She'll share herself cautiously, only with one she trusts, and little things mean a lot to her.
• Despite her modesty and natural shyness, she's tough enough and strong enough for others to find comforting when dark clouds gather. The quiet courage and deep sense of responsibility of Virgo women often acts as a magic glue to hold large families together. She'll probably be a good cook, and she'll never poison you with her soup. Your house will be clean and cozy.

Wow...she indeed wrote a lot of nice qualities about virgo women :) Very flattering !

Some more...describing virgo wife ....

"if you have a really typical Virgo wife, your house may be full of the heavenly mixed fragrance of fresh flowers and hot home-made bread baking crisply in the oven. It's pretty nice to come home to. She'll dust off all your old dreams and make them shine again, and you'll have a woman who will never borrow your razor or use your toothbrush for her mascara. She'll nurse you like an angel when you're ill, and she won't embarrass you by flirting with your best friend. She'll dress neatly and be able to talk with you about something besides diapers and beauty parlor gossip. You'll get every ounce of loyalty and devotion you deserve. She won't throw emotional scenes of jealousy or throw your money away foolishly. She'll keep your secrets in her heart, help you organize your work, and probably won't get wrinkled in middle age. Her eyes are cool pools of pure love, and when she smiles, she can light up a whole room with her radiance. Better keep her. You may never get so lucky again." !!

Very very flattering indeed :) So I don't really know what all the other sun signs have, but quite lot of nice things about virgo women to read about and have a nice feeling , timepass, smile and let it go !

Happy Birthday to my fellow Virgos and myself :)

kahaan gaya woh sab...

"Saare sapne kahin kho gaye...
haai hum kya se kya hogaye.."

Over the years, we all change.

But somehow, of late , I started to realize that I have changed so much.

The enthusiasam in me died down.

Where is that ambitousness gone? That was the quality that always distinguished me from all my other friends. Hmm !

Why am I so dull and pale now ?

Even if I see a beautiful sight, నాలో ఏమీ స్పందన లేదు...మెదడు బొత్తిగా మొద్దుబారిపోతోందా నాకు ?నువ్వేనా నా నువ్వేనా పాటలాగా, నేనేనా అని పాడుకోవాలో ఏమో...

బద్దకమా, నీరసమా, నిరాశా, నిర్లిప్తతా?ఏదైనా సరే...అసలు అవసరమా ఇప్పుడు?ఏమిటో ఇలా శూన్యం లోకి చూస్తూ timewaste చెయ్యడం నా మొహం!!అమ్మమ్మ చెప్పే సామెత ,"బద్దకం పరమ దరిద్రం" నిజమే బాబోయ్ .

Alone and pondering

I stand and just ponder
as thoughts in the mind wander
days just come and go
nothing happens though..

Random...

There were several thoughts that have been crossing my mind from the past few days that I thought I would blog.

Few about sports, been watching the olympics these days.
What a determination in the eyes of the winners ! The emotions, the spirit of the game, energy of the players, aggressiveness , "do not lose " attitude , everything is so inspiring.

Was fascinated watching the opening ceremony of the olympics too, few days back.
What a planning, what a precision , wonderful practice and everything was just WOW.

Have been thinking about luck factor.
Few of the things that are supposed to work sureshot never worked for me.
How fair are you being? God?

Pearls of wisdom

To the world you might be one person, but to one person , you just might be the world.

It is better to be hated for what you are; than to be loved for what you are not

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all !!!

It is ok to lose your pride over someone you love
but don't lose someone whom you love, through your pride.

Always do what you are afraid to do !

Never expect things to happen..
struggle and make them happen.

Never expect yourself to be given a good value ,Create a value of your own!

If a drop of water falls in lake there is no identity.But if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl.so choose the best place where you would shine..

Falling down is not defeat...defeat is when your refuse to get up !

When you are successful , your well wishers know who you are , when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers are !

Friends

I just spoke to a friend after a long time.
Friends are really so important in life and it is so strange that inspite of many years, we still feel and connect the same way as we did several years ago.
We spoke about the times when we were still waiting to start a career, the days when we gave courage to each other , that we do have good future ahead.
And all those fun times, shopping for her wedding, the number of shops we visited to select a saree for her wedding, the amount of time we used to spend gossipping, spending time sharing dreams, the kind of things which we have in common.
Student life and early days of the career were really fun.
Having a conversation with good friends , atleast once in a while is so good, to lift the spirits and bring out smiles, cherish some memories and share good laughter.

Funny misread

It is funny that sometimes when I read fast, I read a word as something else which makes no sense in that context and for few seconds, I wonder if I read it correctly..only to realize that I misread it.
But sometimes this misreading makes the sentence so different , that I just laugh at myself.

Some examples:
It is a great pressure to introduce....
I pause a moment..ah? and then realize it was..
It is a great pleasure to introduce.. oops ...!!!

Because of the powder he had, he was able to control...
ah...what?lemme read again...
Because of the power he had, he was able to control...oops !!!

I am attaching the irrelevant information herewith.
ah? why would anyone want to do that..lemme read again
I am attaching the relevant information herewith...oops !!!

We offer controvertial lessons
ah? why? Lemme read again
We offer conversational lessons...oops!!!

Here is a list of breakup plans for desktop
ah?desktop breakup..why does any one want to do it
Here is a list of backup plans for desktop...oops!!

He politically accepted..
oh..what does that mean
He politely accepted...Oops!!!

Some other general words that I misread are:
Austria~Australia
skins~sinks
Obama~Osama

Born to struggle

A young aspiring student , wanted to achieve big in life.
She is lucky enough and blessed to have a wonderful family, good friends .
She had aspiration ,enthusiasm , but no direction on how to achieve it.
She worked hard, graduated.She dreamt to land in a good job, but fate and choices and decisions were tough on her.
She still believed in herself and god and progressed slowly.
Yeah...Sloooooooooooooowly.... some of the decisions turn out to be very expensive.
The struggle goes on and on and on.
Settlement never seem to really happen.
The enthusiam and aspiration died down somewhere.
Work has been worship at one point of time for her.
Now, work wise,the very thought of a new interview scares her. She gets so nervous.
Something always bothers her , feels so hurt ,insecure and inferior and unlucky.Lost interest in anything. She now hates to struggle so much and questions God on why he never gives her anything that she wanted dearly. Isn't he being so tough ? Does god love to see her shedding tears? Does he think she should earn and deserve everything she wishes .Does he expect her to have a lot of patience. How much ever she motivates herself, an added pressure is what takes a toll on her..she has been that ultra sensitive girl trying to be tough ..but she is tired now and can't handle anymore.
Damn...This is giving up for no reason. Can't afford to be a loser !!!

Motivation

Gathering some motivational quotes, to motivate myself.

• Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.
• It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
• This above all: to your own self , be true.
• No one can make you feel inferior, without your permission.
• The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed.
• Most misfortunes are the result of misused time.
• A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.
• Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
  

Time

World is so busy..people are so busy...
Everybody is so busy in their own lives...their ambitions, their goals, their families..
I just don't know what I am doing but days and months and years are just passing by...
making me old day by day..
I wish somehow the time goes back...goes back to a time where I really can do things ,just the way I wanted. Boss of my own time , where I can take it backward too...

Hmm..not possible?

Then God, let me see what is in the future atleast?

Phew..finally !

A big sigh of relief !

Something pending for years now, has been accomplished.

Well..yeah I should say it is "accomplishment" for me. Because this had been pending for quite some time...err..very long time !!!

Handling pressure

Looks like I am not able to handle pressure these days.
Messing up things big time.
I get pressurized with the simplest of the things too.
Do I have any chronic anxiety disorder kind of a thing?
Not sure.
I feel very disturbed, annoyed and pressurized.
What could be the root cause of this?
Fear of failure that I put so much stress on myself?

Irritation

You must have heard of phrase "Highly inflammable". Few of my close family members find me "Highly irritatable".

Yep...Having said that I am going to blog about some things which irritate me.

There were times that I used to get irritated with many trivial things , as simple as sound of bangles, people chewing food loudly, people talking while having something in the mouth,people overdoing somethings etc.

Now I don't atleast show my irritation on a lot of things. Yeah I am grown up now, learnt to control and not show my irritation.

But still, there are few things which still irritate me.

I wonder why people use headphones for a mp3player or an IPOD when they play it so very loud that a whole bus can hear the songs . Don't they realize it is so loud? And this happens DAILY.

I just couldn't stop myself stare at someone who has been doing this everyday in the bus.

I am not sure, if he understood my stare or he realized himself that he reduced the volume immediately, ofcourse I could still hear the music. Huh.

Well..what is my problem when it isn't affecting me right? Hmm I don't know...Just irritating :

I wonder why some people constantly look into the face when asking something .Yeah awaiting a response from me.But if this is at work and I have to take a look at their computer to investigate and answer, it is quite irritating and annoying to find that person constantly look at my face as though observing each and every atomic particle of my skin , when I am trying to investigate on their machine.Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

How am I supposed to resist my anger and not show my irritation.

Damn...I must confess that I am getting irritated quite a bit.

Dear Blog

One of the posts where I just want to express something out ...

and just choosing the blog to do so because it wouldn't tell me that it doesn't want to listen to me when I want to talk.

Wish blog has a shoulder too !!

Hmm!

I don't exactly know how to express what I want..or do I actually know what I want?

Well, I just remembered some of these lyrics that I liked from the song "Mean a lot" and also this beautiful picture that I loved ! [Source: google]

Give me your arm as we cross the street

A line a day when you're far away

Little things mean a lot

Don't have to buy me diamonds or pearls Champagne, sables,

and such I never cared much for diamonds and pearls '

cause honestly, honey, they just cost money

Give me a hand when I've lost the way

Give me your shoulder to cry on

Whether the day is bright or gray

Give me your heart to rely on

Send me the warmth of a secret smile

To show me you haven't forgot

For now and forever, that's always and ever

Honey, little things mean a lot

I probably get emotional for no reason , at times.

Hmm ..I am no exception.In fact all women are so!!

(Yeah..I am just trying to support and justify myself that is ok to do so)

Anyways..Probably I will smile myself when I read this post tomorrow!

Randomest thoughts..hehe..thanks for listening dear blog!

A picturesque

When we see a beautiful sight, we love it right?
Sometimes I used to think, how does it feel to live in such lovely place.
I don't know if it is for everyone or just me that ..I probably overlook
what I already have currently.

Well..I was coming out of the office on friday evening.Roads were already empty.Looked like everyone went home.
Everything looked so green and nice.
What a beautiful sight.
Don't I realize it everyday or Am I too busy with the other things in mind as always :) that I don't notice some things?
It is the same place, same road,same trees...but I somehow felt it to be picturesque.
Remembered another day when I saw a beautiful sight from the bus, a view of the amazing snow capped hills from a distance .They seemed beautiful that I wanted to see more and more.
World is indeed beautiful .

Simple things which make you smile

Are there any simple things in life that make you smile.
I never thought much about it.
As the spring has already started, it is nice to see day light after coming out of the office.
On the way back, I saw a rainbow.
Big deal?
Well...it was a very big and bright rainbow that I ever saw and I started to smile automatically and wanted to keep looking at it.
I wished I had a camera to capture it.
This picture is courtesy google though !

Simple things make us happy and smile :)

Comfortable being alone?

Am I comfortable being alone?

I ask myself sometimes...May be Yes May be No.
I feel peaceful sometimes without anyone around me at times..but I do feel like missing someone(?) when I come back so very tired and just tears roll down my cheeks for no reason and ask myself why is my life like this?
What could I have done to make it better than what it is now?
Immediate answer I give myself is you are much better than being unemployed and even better than many many people in the world.But job and career ,these aren't bothering me.
Why isn't God being atleast considerate .
What will comfort me and calm me down ?

What is that even bothering me?I think I just have questions but no answers.
But I am not so old. I am still young. What the hell is bothering me?
Is this called some unwanted depression?
I am the one who wanted to work for sometime after I graduated.
I am the one who wanted to be alone before sharing life with someone.
Why did this all start then?
My kiddo niece who asks a lot of questions asked me the other day when I said that I had to fly back the next day
She:"who is there?"
I :"me"
She:"who else"
for a minute I didn't know what was my emotion ..whether I felt bad ,guilty,sad ,proud,unhappy,empty(?)
I : "Just me"
She : "Why"?
I asked myself Why?

A few of my favorites

A few of my favorites...

• Listening to suprabhaatam/Bhajagovindam in the morning
• Looking at the sunrise in the morning (phew..it has been quite a while since I saw one)
• Enjoying a nice hot coffee on a rainy day , combination of rain,music and good coffee !!
• Drawing/painting ...(and hence most of the drawings on my blog are mine )Never learnt anywhere ..wish to..sometime in the future
• Conversation with a good friends on phone.
• Full moon
• Golden gate bridge
• Snow capped mountains
• Universities and libraries
• A perfect landing of a flight
• A fresh blossomed flower
• Red rose (Wish anyone ever gave me ..haha)
• Matching earrings for my dresses
• Confidence in people
• Innocent smile and face of a baby
• A sleeping baby ( no worries at all...sleep like a baby..wish all of us can do too..why do we grow up)
• Milk chocolate
• Friday nights and sat'day nights (yuppie..weekend)
• Getting my clothes ironed (if needed) or ready on sunday night for the next morning so that I do not waste time on monday morning !!
• Feel cozy with my blanket
• Colors in the sky
• The feeling I get on a sat'day morning that I don't have to goto work ..hehe
• Warm clothes taken out of dryer
• Movies of K.viswanath

what do you do when you are bored at a party/dinner

So..what do you do when you are bored when you are at a dinner or party with new set of people.

These are what I normally do :

Start looking at the cell phone and wonder why can't someone call me at this time? People call me whenever I am busy but never when I want to pass some time.

An artificial smile offered to everyone who happens to look at me.

Look for any book atleast to pretend that I am reading something.

Start introspection on why can't I mingle with everyone well.

Phew..Am too critical on myself most of the time.
Why do I have this characteristic?

Also....it made me think y'day that if someone is constantly looking at cell phone in my presence..when I am talking...it means..i am boring them..right..hehe...

Sleepless in .......

Time is past two in the night..

Feel like sleeping but cannot sleep.

Did I have too much coffee? Not really.

I was determined to sleep well tonight as i was feeling that I wasn't getting enough sleep these days. And huh...look what i am doing now.

Errands to do the next day ...how will I get up if I sleep late?But can't sleep.phew...I am yawning but can't sleep.

Peeped out of the window...hmm clear sky and can see the moon and stars for a change.

So what to do now?

Why not favorite chocolate and music and try to sleep again?

Good Friends

We share our dreams with each other.
We have a heart to heart conversation with each other.
When you feel sad, you feel like talking to a good friend,vent out frustration.
Share happiness with a good friend.
Share insecurities and wish well for each other.

It bothers when a good friend feels sad.
It is even frustrating when nobody understands your friend and something important is turning out in the life against your friend's wish, but you can't help other than trying to convince that probably that is the best thing to happen and advice to be optimistic.

Why is life so complicated.
Hmm people complicate life..I know !!!

Random thoughts

Tired day and travel...
cruising at 37000 feet altitude
people around tired
I tried to relax and listen to music..

Something was different..don't know what i am missing..what i am longing for..
listening to mere music doesn't make me relax but makes me cry..makes me dull..make me miss something...

what is it that i am going thru?

Do I demand to know answers to every drop of tear I shed?
Or Am I just tired of life?
Is life getting monotonous? Time to think what next?

"The" waiting

Sometimes I think there is more excitement around giving something rather than receiving.

For example..waiting to see someone open a gift...or waiting to wish someone on a birthday...
Making plans on how and exactly accurately at the minute you want to wish..
butterflies in the stomach while waiting for the minute..
how annoyingly time moves slowly ..
but you wait patiently..
you just long for that moment...since someone is so special to you .... .

I wonder why is this so exciting that you just can't wait..
Is there more happiness in making someone happy..
is it your own tender/naive way of letting know that he/she/they mean so much to you or is it because some special moments are meant to be cherished and remembered?

I don't know.... .
[and the worst part(?)...inspite of all the waiting ...the concerned receiver on the otherside doesn't even know /care that you are waiting and you keep waiting and waiting..after "the" minute].

?

Little did I know

when I was growing up

that life is full of struggle

Never did I imagine

that life is so different

from all my dreams

Nothing comforts me

when I am restless

nothing drives away my pain

when my hope is in vain

Why am I silent

what is that i even want

I feel hurt ...

deep within the soul...