2009

End of one more year. Didn't know how this year too flew.
Had been a stressful year. I have put a lot of pressure on myself and I probably have hurt some people. Never mind.

Thank you baba for giving me another year in life and listening and answering to some of my prayers.

I wish I could have avoided bringing out worst out of me in some situations in this year. I am sorry and I didn't mean to harm anyone or be mean at all.

I hope to live in the present moment,than being a chronic worrier about future, atleast from now on!
Please see that the coming year bestows greatest blessings from God and everybody is healthy and peaceful and achieve everything that is being aspired for.

Best wishes for a Happy New Year.

మొహమాటం

మొహమాటం అనేది కేవలం మన తెలుగు వాళ్ళకే నా?
కాని తెలుగు వాళ్ళలో కూడా అందరికీ మొహమాటం తో పరిచయం లేదేమో?
ఈ మొహమాటం , అభిమానం ఎక్కువ ఉన్నవాళ్ళు కష్టపడతం తప్పదేమో.
ఎందుకంటున్నానంటే, సహజం గా నాకైతే మరి మొహమాటం ఎక్కువే.ఎవరి సాయం ఐనా అడగాలన్నా అభిమానం గానే అనిపిస్తుంది. కాని కొందరు మరి ఈ అభిమానం , మొహమాటం ని గర్వం అని , ఇగో అని ముద్ర వేసేస్తారు. ఈ మొహమాటం అనే concept వాళ్ళకి అర్థం కాదు, అయ్యేలా..అందులోనూ వాళ్ళ భాషల్లోకి తర్జుమా చేసి నేను చెప్పనూ లేను. ఏంటో :)

ఉదాహరణకి ఎవరింటికైన వెళ్ళినప్పుడు ఏ చపాతీలో చేస్తున్నారనుకోండి..ఇదిగో చపాతీలు చేస్తున్నాను, ఎన్ని తింటావు అని అడిగితే, నాకైతే ఒక్కోసారి ఏమి చెప్పాలో అర్థం కాదు. నిర్మొహమాటంగా అప్పుడు ఆకలిని బట్టి, ఒక వేళ బాగా ఆకలి మీద ఉంటే, ఓ ఐదో ఆరో తినేసేటంత ఆకలి ఉన్నా అసలు చెప్పగలమా అలా? పోని బాగా స్నేహితులు , అందుకని చనువుగా అడిగారా అనుకుంటే అలా కూడా కాదు.ఇంకొంత మంది ఇళ్ళకి పిలుస్తారు. ఏ సాయంత్రమో అలా తీస్కెళిపోయిన వాళ్ళు అలా రాత్రి కూడా భోజనాల వేళ దాకానో, రాత్రి ఉండిపోండనో అంటారు.భోజనం వేళ కి ఏమైనా తింటావా అని అడుగుతారు. మనం మొహమాటానికి "అయ్యో పర్లేదు..అంత ఆకలి లేదు" అన్నామో..ఆ రాత్రంతా పస్తే. మన ఎదురుగా కూచుని వాళ్ళు సుష్టుగా (దిష్టి పెట్టాలి అని ఉద్దేశం కాదు)భోజనం చేసేస్తారు తప్ప మనకి పెట్టరు. ఇదేంటి..మనమైతే ఇలా చేస్తామా అని నాకు అనిపిస్తుంది కాని బహుశా నాకే మొహమాటం మరి ఎక్కువేమో..

Random rants

For a man , some men, woman in his life is just a part of his life.

For a woman , some women, anything other than man in her life is just part of life.

Women these days have surely changed, compared to the older generations. But , thanks to the movies, our upbringing, we all grow up , dreaming about our to-be partner. This would also develop a "fantasy" on how we want our partner to be. (How we want him to talk, how we want him to behave and what not)

I was reading recently in a swamiji's article, that when you are in a relationship (this applies to some people who might have issues), it is not two people. It is actually four. Man and his fantasy on how his woman should be, woman and her fantasy on how man should be. So the strain in the relationship starts now when we compare our partner to the fantasy . But also, it is so true, that women from India or women brought up in India pretty much know how to overcome this fantasy and know the person well and love him for what he is and enjoy his company , rather than thinking about the fantasy. The fulfillment that is felt when in the company of that person is a feeling to experience.

As a woman, I can surely state that emotional binding is what a woman looks for in a relationship and the commitment of the man towards the relationship. Anything broken at any time doesn't break the relationship but breaks the heart.

How many really ever experience this kind of fulfullment in someone's presence where you really had no doubt that this is the person I am searching for and want to be with. A joy which you can clearly seperate out from a fantasy?

Beauty and attention

How much is beauty important in life.

Almost everybody wants to look good and wants to be known by others as a good looking person.

But I don't really know how much to take pride in it and how much to value about beauty.

Beauty - how you look, according to me ,comes to you through your parents/genes.

What is there to brag about it? It isn't your achievement.

As a woman, I certainly want to be attractive and look good in the eyes of a special man in my life and get his attention but I don't really care on trying hard to grab everybody else's attention.

Attention from right person in right situation is what is important. Attention from anyone else is unwanted and I don't crave for it. Probably , to be successful and be in a professional environment, it is enough if I look well groomed and neat.Thats it.

I just don't understand the people who crave so much for attention and obsessed that they look so perfect and beautiful. How are they going to deal when they age?

Thoughts

Thoughts live, they travel far. I think this was Vivekananda's quote.

I was reading this book and infact there are many amazing facts about thoughts and the power of thoughts. I am sure most of us do atleast know and experience atleast a little bit of these thought powers but never utilize in a best way or fully. Quite an interesting read.

One of the lines in this book, "Destroy random thinking " :) When I read that sentence I just smiled that my blog is all about my random thoughts. Ofcourse, what is meant in the book is in a different context in a different way but I was just smiling. Anyways, got to see how much to unleash the random thoughts.

Image courtesy: Google images

Deepavali

Deepavali !
Whether the actual story was from Treta yuga signifying Rama's return to Ayodhya or if it is from Dwapara yuga signifying Satyabhama's victory over Narakasura, both definitely mean "Victory of good over evil".

Hope everybody can conquer the evil within themselves and mark the victory of good, today and always and make the human life much more enjoyable and peaceful.

Happy Deepavali :)

Natural calamities

Was watching the flood affected areas in AP on tv.
Absolutely devastating to those areas .
How much ever we donate money, sitting happily in the luxury of our own homes, the affected really need some man help to transport food, water and clothes.
A relief van goes to some center in the town and people fight to grab that food to feed their people who are stuck somewhere. It is devastating to see such helplessness.
Wish someone has some power to see that nobody in the world ever has these kind of problems.

Fear of failure

There are different kind of phobias. I think fear of failure is also a phobia. I don't know if it has any other name.
I was reading some stress management book a while back and there was a mention about this fear of failure as well, which leads to a lot of stress.
Nobody wants to fail in anything, but,probably after few failures, there would be this fear of failure which would stop people from being happy or to even believe themselves.
What can help such people? Yoga?

Helplessness

Helplessness is a state that I would never want to get into and would never want any of my dear ones to be in.

Some of the simplest of simple things can get so very complicated and lead to helplessness. An open communication could save so much misery, tears , embarrassment and agony.

Feeling unwanted , being hated and helplessness - all they can do is only to bring out the worst out of a person. If such feeling prevails at home , what kind of a mental torture ?

Superior and inferior?

I don't want to generalize but some of the north indians (well..this word itself is subjective. Anyone who belongs to states north of AP are North indians according to me :) ) have a very low opinion on south indians. Wonder why. Is it because they think that they are fair skinned ? Or is it because they think they are more refined ?

I know some people even comment that south indians have an accent. Don't they have an accent. I think pretty much everybody , regardless of the state they belong to have an accent, just that probably they don't realize it.

Few years ago, my own roommate was telling someone that she thinks that if someone says he/she is from south, they are two steps inferior to her.

I didn't react or make any comment coz I just didn't understand how could you judge someone like that.

What is this superiority feeling all about?

RIP YSR

Rest in peace YSR !

Your demise is extremely saddening and nobody can replace you.

మొన్నటి దాక నవ్వుతూ ఉన్న వ్యక్తి హటాత్తుగా ఇలా..

politics తో నాకు ఏ మాత్రం ఆసక్తి లేకపోయినా కూడా ఈ వార్త చాల బాధపెడుతోంది.

fell asleep lying down....

Gathering thoughts in my head
rested on reviving the memories
and taking a peek into my soul
is it that I can't wait
is it that i am wandering in darkness
and feeling insecure
about the future?
about my belief?

image courtesy: inmagine.com

taking for granted and no more excitement left?

"andaru magavaallu okela aalochisthaaru, vaallaki kaavalsindi dorikedaaka anigimanigi untaaru,dorikaaka..."

This is a dialog from telugu movie anand where the hero tries to convince the heroine that he is better than the other fellow who is trying to woo her.

But how true is it? Are all men like that when it comes to love?
Till the girl falls for him, they wait for her, they do anything for her. But once the girl falls for him, what happens? Nothing exciting anymore..ego is satisfied and boosted? Do men take women from granted from that point of time?

Not that a woman expect her man to be romantic everyday but does the attitude really change?

మహాగణపతిం మనసా స్మరామి

వినాయకుడంటే మన అందరికీ ఎంతో ఇష్టం.కొన్ని వినాయకుడి గురించి గుర్తు చేసుకుందామా? మన కోసం వ్యాసుడు చెప్తుండగా మహాభారతం రాసిపెట్టాడు.తల్లిదండ్రులను గౌరవించడం నేర్పి అగ్రపూజ్యుడయ్యాడు. రావణుడి చేజిక్కిన ఆత్మలింగాన్ని లంకకు చేరకుండా ఆపాడు. కాణిపాకం లో విగ్రహరూపం లో పెరుగుతూ మన నమ్మకాన్ని కూడా పెంచుతున్నాడు. వినాయక చవితి is so special for many reasons :)

వినాయక చవితి శుభాకాంక్షలు!

Meaningful life

Days are just passing by.

Many thoughts as well pass by in the mind.

Wondering what is a meaningful life?

You are born, you spend some significant years in the studies, growing up, learning. You find a job , you get married. Till you are married probably the mind always keeps thinking about the significant other in life. Once you are married , you would think about kids, their upbringing , settling them down, saving money for them. Is this all called a meaningful and successful life?

What if the life isn't that way for some? Does it mean , life isn't meaningful for them?

I know it is all our perspective about life, different people look at life in a different way. But for majority of people in the world, this is how it is, right?

What is a meaningful life? Being able to do your duties well, being successful and being helpful to others? Just a subjective question?

స్వాతంత్ర్యం వచ్చెనని సభలే చేసి సంబరపడగానే సరిపోదోయీ.....

Thank you freedom fighters. We all owe you and can't thank you enough.

Lets not forget our duties too:

సమ సమాజ నిర్మాణమే నీ ధ్యేయం
సకల జనుల సౌభాగ్యమే నీ లక్ష్యం
ఏక దీక్షతో గమ్యం చేరిన నాడే
లోకానికి మన భారత దేశం అందించునులే శుభ సందేశం.....

Lets all be good human beings.

JAI HIND

Image courtesy : greet2k.com and google image search
Indian Freedom courtesy : Sacrifices of our brave freedom fighters.

His and her diary

A forwarded email:
HER DIARY :

Day night, I thought he was acting weird. I asked him what was wrong – he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY :
Today India lost the cricket match against Australia. DAMN IT.

Wonder why women always communicate and talk so much to spouse but men don't, which often can lead to this kind of silly misunderstandings :)

Relationships really are beautiful when there is a great understanding between the partners.
If men are cranky, probably it is much better to leave them alone and let them come back coz we never know why he is so...but sometimes it does get really hurting.
These relationships are totally based on trust . Once a spouse starts lying to the partner, isn't that enough to spoil the trust totally? It is a lot better to be liked for what and who you are, genuinely, than hiding something in the pretext of hurting someone or whatever. One would want to be loved or even hated..for who/ what they actually are !
Afterall, relationship itself means, sharing everything in all good times and bad times as well.

Respect the other person and be truthful in a relationship.
I know men complain that women overthink and make things complex. I think all a woman would ever ask is just love ,commitment and not hide or ever lie to her.
Asking for too much?

luck

Is there something called luck.

Why do certain times things absolutely go wrong.

You expect somebody to stand by you, you expect your family to understand you and support you and apparently everybody turns back and nobody at all really helps.

Does it mean I shouldn't even expect anything or they are breaking my trust, or is it just purely my own bad luck?

Answerable

Lot of things sometimes come to my mind and I just don't know how to express them.

I heard somewhere, a quote, that your true identity is how you behave when you are alone/all by yourself. I think it meant , how do you use your freedom.

When there is nobody to question us..we are not answerable to anyone...parents miles away...this gives a lot of freedom. But how do you utilize that freedom?Aren't we answerable to ourselves though?

There are all kinds of people in the world, who have different kinds of problems. The moment we criticize someone , the first reaction is to abuse the person who does that..well..I don't intend to claim that I am perfect, I am trying to figure out what makes people cheat their spouses, lie to their partners, flirt around ,look out for adventures.
Doesn't their heart tell that they are cheating their respective spouse/girl friend/boy friend?

Some relationships are purely based on trust. There are certain things that your spouse/partner absolutely needs to know. That doesn't mean you are being "answerable". If you think so, that means you don't even understand the relationship at all. Why are these people so fickle at the first place?

Anyways..another thing which I was thinking is about the people who are bound in an unhappy relationship . Their plight is pitiable but what if they are indulging in soliciting a virtual affair with somebody who is already in a relationship? How fair is that? This person already got his/her life screwed up and contributing to another couple's relationship fail.
Don't they ever introspect themselves? Don't they have a heart to which they are accountable and answerable to?

People who knowingly make a crime/bad karma/cheat others can't really get away. Can they? If not them,someone dear to them in the family will surely suffer in some way or the other,due to their bad karma. I am sure there is a cosmic karma bank which will keep track of our good and bad karmas and affect us .

Miles across

Lot of people criticize NRI's for leaving the motherland, parents and living in a far country.

What is bothering me? All I was doing was just walking on the road and bunch of thoughts in my mind.
There is hardly anyone who walks on the road here. How do parents spend time here? None of us are going to be home for the most part of the day except the weekends.
Well what do they do even in India. They see people. There is always someone or the other who visit right from the morning..right from paperboy, milkman, maid and so many others. If we walk on the road, there is always someone who knows us , atleast within the colony.

What are we achieving staying all away from everybody?
This is the age where parents have to relax. They did so much for bringing us up.
Our Indian way of bringing up makes life of parents ,totally dedicated to kids. They never have their own personal life. It always revolves around the kids. And what are we doing?

Personally I have several reasons why I like to stay here in the US but what about parents, grandparents?
Is there a solution where everybody can be happy?
Is there a solution shorten the distances?

What defines you?

I suddenly wondered about this last night...what defines you?
What defines a person?
Is it the feelings? emotions? thinking? thoughts? character? sense of responsibility?
truthfulness? Genuineness?

hmm..may be genuineness?
Depends on the context of what I am looking for.
There isn't any proper way to define a person. It is subjective and depends on the context I guess.

We interact with many people on a daily basis. We have family, friends, near and dear.
How many of these people would be genuinely happy when something good really happens to you? Honestly, it is only the parents and siblings.
Friends too ..depends on how close you are with that person.
As long as there isn't any competition or ego clash?

How many of us are just our ownselves who react as how we are, genuinely?
Who are just being themselves..without a pretence, without any influence?
How many of us are compassionate?

Anyways..what have I started and what am I thinking?

Time

To be successful, one of the key factors is to plan properly..looking ahead !
We are gifted with special qualities that distinguish us as humans.
Ability to think and ability to make decisions.

If we can think well, reason out and make a judgement on what is to be done by us, we will be successful easily.

I used to have a habit of writing a to-do list for the day and finishing them.
I was efficient and atleast felt good about myself at the end of the day.
When I start out the next day , I used to included the pending stuff to the to-do list.What am I doing now.

We all know this already. But too lazy to adapt it.
I read a quote somewhere, something like, "Winning is my habit..failure can also become so". Over a period of time, there is a danger to get so immune to the failures as well.

I read somewhere recently but more or less the gist of what I wrote above about management of time ; which kind of all of us know; also a most important key - to prioritize the tasks within the list.
If we start with the most toughest one instead of postponing it and make it a habit, we will be successful very soon.
Finish the tasks first the then idle away the time! Time and tide wait for none. If only we could go back into past and gain that time again, we can have the luxury of idling away the time. But thats not the case.

Also, may be at the end of the day, I should spend a moment to think if I did anything useful at all, if not for others, atleast for myself.

Image courtesy: Google images

Some excerpts

Some of the excerpts from "The Alchemist" that I liked.

• Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

• World's greatest lie is that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. 

• When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
  

• But I'm afraid that it would all be a disappointment, so I prefer just to dream about it.

• Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it's all written there.

• If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.

• Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say.
  

• World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up. 

• Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested.

• It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn. 

• If a person is living out his destiny, he knows everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.
  

Catharsis

Looking at you lord,
Why do I get goosebumps
Why do I cry
Is it that my emotions convulse
or do I go through a catharis
or do you let me feel 

your presence at those times?

Image courtesy: On the internet. Credit to original uploader.

Freedom, identity

I was given this youtube link to Sudha Murthy's speech at Berkeley.

She is someone who ofcourse most of the girls look upto . She had set a great example in every way to every aspiring and ambitious young woman.

I was reading this article and she exactly termed what I always think about how a marriage should be , as in partners complementing each other however different they are.

Man or a woman is incomplete without a partner and that partner has to be someone who understands you and complements you in such a way that you become complete.

Two people can be quite different in their own way, as what Mrs. Sudha said, that she is an extrovert and her husband is an introvert. 

It isn't about being the same way, rather, it is liking the way your spouse is and encouraging each other's aspirations and goals.

She is so commendable. How many of us who really have time to invest in doing something useful?

If not useful for someone else but for our own self and for our own people? As far as talking or thoughts are concerned, every reasonable human being says that they commend and "want to" help people but what are you doing for your own self ? 

All we know is when somebody gives a reality check to us, we don't want to accept the fact but rather immediately allege that person. How many of us are truthful to ourselves?

To be a better human being is the first step towards helping the society. Refine and help yourself first before even thinking of helping others. If you can't help yourself and if you can't be truthful to your own self and can't figure out the confusion in mind and can't introspect yourself and do something about it , can you do something for others?

Either we are so busy in lives and give excuse that need some time for ourselves to relax or so jobless in having pointless fun .

One needs to have a solid identity , individuality, opinions of your own and self respect to be successful in life.

Not some identity to show to the world and identity that you have within yourself.

If that is done ;  there is always a conflict & struggle in yourself.

Have your own identity and take pride in it. We don't need somebody else's certiciate to impress others.

Coming back to Mrs. Murthy's above mentioned article , her statement about women:

Women have that extra quality of adaptability and learn to fit into different shoes.  But we are our own selves still.  And we

have to exact our freedom by making the right choices in our lives,dictated by us and not by the world.

I think for any man or woman to succeed, apart from everything that I mentioned above,   a great deal of support and understanding from the family too  is needed, to give the ability to "exact our freedom" .  Isn't it? 

At twilight?

I have been walking, walking and walking
finding out the way myself
There were many hurdles
But I continued
resisting and insisting
Am not sure
if I am clear and focussed
but I am so tired and alight
and feel as if I am at twilight.

Thoughts for the day

Successful people embrace problems and unsuccesful people avoid problems and never truly do anything to solve them.

A video with good motivational quotes :

Give me

What will make me peaceful and happy?
What do I want?
I keep asking myself.

I want to feel secure.
I want to feel that I dont have to worry about tomorrow.
I want to be without any pressure and without being answerable to anyone.

Am I asking for too much? I have been truthful and faithful.
God, Please be fair to me now!

Arranged marriages and generation gaps

A post in an irritated mood . Do not read beyond as you might not like it. Excuse my language.
==============================================================================
As much as I like our traditions, sometimes I really think we should try to be willing to move with the generation.
I really don't know how to verbalize what I am thinking.

There were days when women also were confined to the home and marriages were decided by the parents/elders in the family. Girl was never asked if she is willing to meet the guy , well leave alone meeting, the whole decision of marrying that guy is made without even informing her.

Girls are always brougt up in a way that she listens to elders, respects elders, adjusts easily for everything, give in for everything, do not talk to guys ,mind her business, if she needs to go anywhere, just go with someone she knew.
It is called a good brought-up.
Hmm but how fair is that you send away this girl with someone who is completely a stranger to her . How fair is that this decision is not made by her at all.
It is an issue of prestige to the parents. But how about her whole life with that guy. You can argue that parents will always mean good to the children, but do you ask what she wants?

Gone are those days now. Why should we do the drama of dressing up the girl and exhibiting her to a bunch of people who come and stare her from top to toe. So humiliating. It is not your generation. We don't want to be exhibits.
What a official "checkout the girl" programme!!!.

And what do I call these guys who just come with parents and keep smiling and do not even want to talk to the girl at all. They think they are being good sons if they say, I have nothing to talk. If my parents are ok, I am ok too. Wow...wonderful. These #$^& (sorry) don't even realize that the girl also has some expectations and she also needs to approve him. Why do these guys think so high of themselves. Does it have to be Yes if he says Yes.
And what do I call the guys who say they don't even know what to talk. HOw Dumb!Dude, You are not even ready to get married ;you don't even know what is getting into relationship. Just like you have a car, a house, you want a wife?

Why does girl's family also act like we got to be extremely obedient to the guy's family. Tell me one valid reason. I think you have to be polite enough , as you are with others;no need of additional drama to satisfy their ego and boost it up.
Why do they overrule all the expectations of the girl.
Why not let her take her decision and god-forbid if at all, let her repent for her decision than repent for their decisions made for her own life.
How can you be so mean asking to meet someone for less than an hour and spend life with that fellow.
Don't you know a known devil is better than an unknown angel?

My random freehand drawings

Randow free hand drawings with paintbrush

Thoughts on thoughts

We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.
- Swami Vivekananda

Hmm thoughts indeed travel far. But thoughts are free !!

Travel far, Hmm..Is that why we get so tired, just by thinking :)

Image courtesy: Google's search engine

Another random

Concentrating and studying seem to be so tough. Attention span reducing considerably.
Another drawing before I get back to study.

ఒక చింపిరి అమ్మాయి

A random drawing just to cool off my head.

Dream away

I get too many dreams and worst/best part is that I remember most of them.
This is what I mentioned to a doctor in grad school health center once and she was like , "Why don't you go for counselling" :)
When I said that to roommates , they were laughing and said that the doctor thinks you have a mental problem ;)

Well these days, I think I am little better, as in I forget them. But I do get many dreams. One after the other.
How do people get sound sleep , I wonder.
I even envy folks who say that they wouldn't know what happened after they hit the bed.I rarely get such sleep.

External noises as well sometimes mix up so well into my dreams . If there is a sound downstairs or something it would blend quite well into the dream as if someone is knocking my door or something.
Most of the times it is like , neither I am fully asleep nor fully awake.
Phew.

Oflate, I dream that I am climbing up and down the stairs quite a bit.
Up the stairs and with no rails side ways and the stairs have a lot of gap in between and I am struggling to climb up.
In the same dream, somewhere at the starting, I see that I was climbing down and just before reaching down, I had to jump because there were some steps missing.
Sometimes I see some new random faces and people and sometimes I dream as though I am cycling or driving a car, or climbed on mount everest or saw a space shuttle or I am flying without wings and what not.

I even bought a book called "Interpretaion of dreams" by Sigmund Freud but somehow it had too many annotations that I lost interest in reading much.

Anyways..some random post amidst stupid posts.
By any chance if you haven't come to a conclusion, this post should enlighten you enough that I am little nutty :)
Image courtesy: google

Expectations

Somebody probably rightly said once that expectations screwup everything. But how about in a romantic relationship? Is it possible not to have any expectations in a relationship at all. Do we have boundaries here too?
I know we need to understand each other in such relationship and behave accordingly. But is it too childish to feel we have right on the other person? Is too childish to be concerned(?) on partner's health? Is it too much to ask anything? Is it too much to feel having a right in partner's life?
Being childish?
Am I not understanding the difference between possessiveness and ?
Too incriminating to feel or express emotional dependence?
Is companionship not for a life time?

What are bad times?

Dear Blog,

What are bad times?

When everyone who means a lot to you ask you not to talk. When everyone acts wierd to you.
What should you do?
Feeling helpless and unwanted is the worst feeling to get into.

Every time I get into this, if I try to talk, I would even more disliked.
What did I do?
Isn't there a difference between asking and questioning ...Hmm what is really wrong with me?
I feel so insecure now to even talk.
What if I am yelled on? What if I am asked not to talk forever? I am not ready to hear that. Why am I so sensitive?

Where do I go wander the whole day and what should I do now . Go back where and anticipate what?

Is this what i felt on friday that I don't want to go home.
Yeah I don't want to.

And if I am upset and angry....am not even supposed to share and show to anyone.
Just deal with it? Why bother others? Is that what you feel if someone expresses it to you?

Whats up with me?

Whats up with me?
As much as I wait for weekends, I don't want them too.
As much as I want to rest, I don't feel like going home.
What do I want?
Where do I want to go?
Is it that I want my own home?
Is it that I want my own world?
Sometimes, I feel I can't tell what I want, but I certainly know what I don't want.

Valentine's day

There lived a princess who dreamt about her prince charming , her love, who could read her mind like a mirror, who could hear the unspoken words ,who would care for her like nobody else in the world.
Wondering what he is waiting for ,to come and take her along.
She wants to say
Reach me out when you can't be alone
be in my arms when you want comfort
Wake me up when you can't sleep
Can we be together as long as we live?
Happy Valentine's day !
May all the lovers in the world be together always!
.... .

Techie dependent

Technology is a part of daily life and can't think of life without computers these days. Way too dependent on it and feel handicapped without internet and computers.
Sometimes I get some funny thoughts.

I wasn't finding something at home and wished if I could somehow do a magical "search" and I could the exact location of where my thing is. Something like our operating system's search feature where we can either search by filename or a word in a file.
How convenient it is gonna be..isn't it?

When my mind is so very disturbed and can't sleep, I wish there is a shutdown option or a sleep option that I could shutdown my thoughts and sleep peacefully.
Phew..

Sometimes when I am too tired,I wish there is a recharge option just like how I recharge my laptop's battery.
Why can't stupid Sravya realize that I gotto eat which is nothing but recharging.

This one probably happens to most..When I was dialing a number from landline from home, I was dialing with 9 in front.
Damn..spending too much time at work?

If I am typing something on paper...well..I mean..if I am writing something on paper, I sometimes wish there is a cut and copy option too.
Oops...lazy me.

Sometimes when I do some stupid stuff or when I have to redo anything, I really wish there is an "undo" option or a rollback.
Huh..

I was typing a message oneday that "I got downloaded" (Well I meant to type "I got down" as in a bus / train)
Oops...God forbid, would mankind see a day when this would be meaningful one day...as in humans can be downloaded and uploaded too. Kind of a scary thought though...

A quest for the unknown

What is my quest
who am I within?
would I succeed in knowing
an unknown myself ?
Why and then what?

Go getter

Are you a go-getter?

I think all the successful people are indeed go-getters.(well,I don't need this "i think" phrase probably...it is the fact !! ). If you need something, just go after it and relax only upon achieving it.

Sometimes, inspite of working towards something there is always this luck factor too.
I almost got everything done today from my to-do list.
Little of self-discipline is what is needed probably to get things organized and the way we want them to work.
Laziness and procrastination, biggest enemies .

why?

Why do relationships see a failure?
Is it because of expectations?
Is it because of possessiveness?
Is it because of fickle minds?
Is it because of commitment issues?
Can't love last for a life time?
Do people get bored with one person after sometime?
Once another interesting person is found, the previous doesn't seem appealing anymore?
Why do people cheat on their spouses? Lack of understanding/lack of love/lack of attention?
Is it that nobody wants to adjust or behave as per the mood of their partner?
It isn't losing their individuality, just a matter of accomodating each others' interests in a companionship and caring about each other.
Is it so difficult to love someone all the time and be in a blissful relationship?

How can someone leave spouse and what about the kids then? It isn't fair for the kids to be brought up by a single parent. Hmm...I wish I had the power to bind all the couples in the world blissfully together.

Without

Without missing someone

without longing for something

without waiting for someone

without love
without pain
without getting hurt

without tears

without sorrow

without frustrations

without troubles

without emptiness

could there be a life?

And even if there does, can its worth be known?

Guilty and relief

Routine life gets so routine and it looks as though I am busy but I am not sure if I am really busy.

I had to call up few friends and be in touch with them but I kind of avoided (?) at a certain point of time when I had too much stress. ( Well..I should have spoken but if I am stressed , I just don't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone)

So one of such times and I did not call up this friend and several months passed by and whenever I remember about her, I used to feel quite guilty that I haven't called up.

This morning too , somehow I remembered and I was asking that it has been really a while now and with this guilt , I don't even now feel like calling. Somehow , as if there was telepathy, same friend called up in the noon and I felt so relieved after talking to her.I was telling her that "believe it or not, I was really thinking about you today".

How stupid can I get sometimes.

Well whatever it is, I feel so relieved now :)

Short weekends

Ah weekends seem so short sometimes..
Can I have one more day as weekend pleaseeeeeeeeeeee.....

Especially if there are parties to attend or hosting at home, time just flies.
I somehow felt tomorrow is sunday..

Technology improved so much..why not someone figure out how to make time go back...Phew...Silly thoughts....Silly goose.

Defocussed

I was feeling defocussed and disoriented today. Is it the mental state..or is it the fatigue.

Wrote a ton of Why's here.But then..whatever it is , I told myself at the end of the day...probably, if you are feeling cranky and defocussed, may be try to brighten up someone else's day.

Make atleast a kid happy or help a needy.

A innocent and a pure smile from a kid too makes us automatically smile. But a cranky behaviour from others make us uneasy even if it is not on you. May they are just having a bad day. We just gotto understand.

Why is it that if someone is dull makes us also dull?

Hmm subconcious mind picks up a lot of stuff from the surrounding too.

A day to be marked in History

A day of celebration, a day of new beginning, a day that will be remembered.
United States now has a new leader. Was there ever such a positive feeling from everyone for one leader? Was there someone who was truly deserving ? Was there a moment so electrifying ? Was there someone on whom there were so many expectations and the whole world welcoming the new change?

One man walked up and 2 million people there standing in such a low temperature, waiting for him to swear in.

I was longing to hear to watch his speech. Glad I could.
What a speech. Not any of the boring ones where there someone is reading a speech out of a paper. A speech where each and every word is said after much thought, each and every word had a meaning , each and every word felt as it was said.

Certainly he is a successful man with a lot of goodwill and I hope this certainly marks a new beginning and that this event be a harbinger of good times and most importantly a betterment in the economy.

Happy Birthday

On your Birthday I wish you the very best
May every minute of your life be filled with peace,joy and happiness.

Best wishes Always,
~!

Salute to the hero

US airways accident in the Hudson river.

The moment I read about the news online, I feared about the passengers. By god's grace and thanks to the pilot, all of them are safe.

The word plane crash itself sends chills to the spine .Isn't it ?

Pilot did a masterful job.

I have always had a fascination about flying planes, a perfect landing of the flights. Landing it in the time of calamity and making sure everyone is safe , Bows to him !!!

What a hero. All the pilots certainly are trained on how to deal with the hazards.

But acting on at that moment , thinking quickly on what should be done next and the decision making , especially when all the lives are stake and saving them is what is important. He made sure all the passengers were safe. And how much was really the time he had?

He made sure he was the last one on board. Well we must have seen these kinds of moments and nail-baiting scenes in the movies but when comes to the real life,

What a presence of mind !!!

What a sense of responsibility !!

Brilliant !

Din Dhal jaaye

Some of the evenings are so gloomy. More so when I sleep in the afternoon on weekends and get up in the evening. Not sure what that feeling is?

Is it about future?

Is it an empty feeling?

Is it an indifference that nothing really matters to me?

Is it a feeling that I am in a foreign land?

Is it homesickness?

Is it a feeling that I have a routine life?

Is it that today is already over and hardly did anything?

Not sure what it is? Did I ever feel this way in India?

బెంగా,భయమా,అలసటా ,ఒంటరితనమా,విరక్తా,వేదాంతమా?

అర్థం లేని కలవరమా,హైరామా లేక పైత్యమా?

(Inspiration: arere song's lyrics: "అలవాటు లేని పరవశమా,వరమా...") Hahhaaha
Jo bhi ho....అవసరమా అసలు?

Golden globe golden moment

A.R. Rahman, First Indian to receive golden globe award. Wow..

Did you watch him walk up the stage receive the award. He is so humble and simple !

It is absolutely delighting to see any Indian winning a prestigious award, be it Rahman now, winning the golden globe or Abhinav Bindra winning the gold medal in the olympics.

Is this called patriotism to love to see the way our Indian flag flying high?

Well I am not sure what it is but , Awesome !

Awesome to see the simplicity and confidence and humbleness in the winners.

Hope we have many many such "golden Indian moments" in the future.

How genuine?

This is probably an absolute random ridiculous over- thought...

Well..in a day, how much are we really genuine is what I was thinking.

Doesn't necessarily mean anything serious...

Just something as simple as a smile and good morning that we say to a co-worker.

Sometimes we might be in a bad mood...but when we come across people at work, we do have to smile and if we need to get into conversation, and try to be as pleasant as we can be.

Also, the discussions sometimes, whether or not you like or want to, just that sometimes, at work , we can't avoid but talk..nothing to do with work, but general stuff like about a car or politics or gossip about another co-worker or anything for that matter.

Why do I take things so seriously and feel so stressful if it isn't coming from heart but just faking it? Why can't I tell myself sometimes that it is just a way to socialize and nothing to do with faking or being genuine....

Huh..me..such an overthinking person...

మీరే భాష లో ఆలోచిస్తారు?

Do thoughts have a language? :)

I keep thinking if this thought itself is crazy..but anyways..sometimes I do realize that I am thinking/talking to myself/thinking? in english..sometimes in hindi..sometimes in Telugu.
Not sure if it is the context, subject that makes my mind to choose to "think" in a so and so language :)

మరి మీరే భాష లో ఆలోచిస్తారు? :)

ఆంగ్ల సరికొత్త సంవత్సరం

అప్పుడే కొత్త సంవత్సరం వచ్చేసింది గా...ఇంకా మొన్ననే అసలు 2007 ది introspection blog మీద రాసినట్టుంది...
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